Just Want It To End/ When You Know You Have Been Broken

-

    This the season where your mental state goes to shit. Where the people who make you feel like shit are the people who shouldn't. This the season where you just really don't care and don't want to be around. This the season things just don't seem to matter anymore. This the season when things in your head start to get to you. This the season that those things are from people that they shouldn't have come from. This the season you just dread and hate. This the season you wish would just obliterate. This the season that doesn't fly by. This the season that makes you cry. This the season that haunts your life. This the season that you despise. 

    After having a few things happen things are starting to arise. Things that you thought you have depressed inside. Things you thought you have surpassed. Things you thought had died. After having a few things happen NOPE they arose! Things that came back and were like SURPRISE! Things that came back and make you questions everything all over again. After having a few things happen you start to wonder why. Things that happened that make you want to cry. Things that happened that changed your life. Things that happened that made you want to take your life! After having a few things happen you feel yourself go numb. Things that happened that would make someone go WHOA! Things that happened to make you go hollow. Things that happened that could be hard to swallow.

    The past is the past until something happens then the past is no longer the past. The past is the past until something comes up and said past comes to haunt you again. The past is the past until what happened in the past comes floating up. The past is the past until your mental cord has been struck. The past is the past until the door that was closed has been broken down. THE PAST IS THE PAST UNTIL YOU CAN'T TAKE NO MORE!

    When you relive your past like you are there again. It is so vivid and it is like you are back there again. You feel yourself in that body at that time. You can sense how you felt at that time. You see everything as it was back then! You can reimagine the thoughts you had and how you thought they would unfold if you would have. You feel the pain all over again as if you are there having that experience again. You hear everything as if it was the first time again. You feel that pain as if it was the first time again. You feel the hurt as if it was the first time again. You lose hope as if it was the first time to lose it again. You feel stuck as if it was like you were there again. You feel the anger as if it was the first time you went through it again. You feel the hate as if it was the first time again.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Thought/ Feelings of the Day

-
So I have been realizing I forget to eat a lot. Also, I just don’t feel like eating or nothing sounds good. Then when I am hungry or have an appetite I am very picky on what I can or can not eat due to trying to want to eat better because of my health conditions. I also realized if I am anxious or depressed I really push food away even more. So I started wondering if I might have a type of eating disorder. With that being said I decided to look up some and see if they fit what describes what I am going through and needless to say I did see one or two and now I don’t know what to do. I am tired of being this way. If it is not one thing it is another with my mental/physical health. I am just starting to feel like I need more help than what I can get at the moment and it is scaring me. I just simply do not know what to do anymore. This has become so draining that half the time I have little to no energy and don’t even want to get out of bed. For instance, I woke up today and then took a n...
Read more

When in my Head

-
      When in my head a lot of things can happen. I can either overthink things, dwell on things, or the demons I have decided to come out and mess with me. When any of these things happen I usually fall into depression and I don't know what to do to fix it. Lately, the one that mostly pops into my head is I guess you can say it would be one of my demons. I have quite a few of those and most of them are from my past and have made peace with them, but they like to come back and I get upset. This new one on the other hand is a lot worse. I say it is a lot worse because I have yet to seek help professionally so I have no way to deal with it or know how to handle it. I have joined some groups which is how I figured out what this demon is in my head, but to get to the bottom of it and work on it I need actual help. Trying to figure out how to treat this can come with a lot of loss but with a lot of gains as well. I have an idea what this demon in my head is, but it is weird to...
Read more