Thought/ Feelings of the Day

So I have been realizing I forget to eat a lot. Also, I just don’t feel like eating or nothing sounds good. Then when I am hungry or have an appetite I am very picky on what I can or can not eat due to trying to want to eat better because of my health conditions. I also realized if I am anxious or depressed I really push food away even more. So I started wondering if I might have a type of eating disorder. With that being said I decided to look up some and see if they fit what describes what I am going through and needless to say I did see one or two and now I don’t know what to do. I am tired of being this way. If it is not one thing it is another with my mental/physical health. I am just starting to feel like I need more help than what I can get at the moment and it is scaring me. I just simply do not know what to do anymore. This has become so draining that half the time I have little to no energy and don’t even want to get out of bed. For instance, I woke up today and then took a nap with my husband, which was amazing, and didn’t wake up until probably around 5 or 6 this evening. Something needs to change and I have no clue what it is or even how to go about changing anything. This has become so frustrating and no one understands. I would say no one knows, but since I am writing this everyone who actually stops and reads it will. The question is will they understand or will they just say I am worrying for nothing and nothing is wrong or it will pass. What makes this worse is I feel I have been struggling with this for awhile now like maybe a year or two. I feel bigger than what I know I am which doesn’t help with why I don’t want to eat and I end up watching shows like My 600lb life and it makes me want to diet even more. I barely eat as it is! What more is there to diet other than to actually eat and make sure I don’t over eat or eat the wrong things. Yes I know realizing this is the first step in fixing it, but if I don’t have the help or the skills to do so then what is the point on even trying to fix it.

I just want my brain and my body to get along. This has become way too exhausting to deal with. I can feel like a mental breakdown coming soon if something doesn’t change or I get some help. I seriously do not know what to do anymore. I am tired of ending up in a fog just so I can cope and make it through life. I want to be able to feel awake and enjoy life!